it's very normal in life when we don't like something about someone a behavior they have or something about their personality to be judgy or critical right to criticize them for what that behavior is and sometimes as Leaders we even you know say we want to coach our team members out of that behavior which is fine it's it's great as a leader to help them grow and learn that's our jobs don't get me wrong about that but if we come from a place of I just don't like that and tell them they shouldn't be doing that we're not doing our job as a leader our job as a leader is to be curious to understand why they do that the way they do and what's created that for them by asking really good questions about what shaped them that way their personality or what in their childhood or you know what experiences they've been through that helped them become the person they are um or made them the person they are it's really it can help us one better understand them have Grace and compassion and two better able to give advice or coaching or feedback to them on how to shift their behaviors oftentimes our personalities are built in experiences um from what we did as a kid and or who we were how what our life was like as a kid and so they're ingrained in US based upon what we needed to do to thrive as a child or survive even as a child and a lot of times we don't need those same behaviors today to thrive as an adult or in our current environments but we don't understand that and there's a lot of coaching and opportunity to be out there with the right questions and the right curiosity so rather than being judging and critical of I can't believe that person is negative or you did that again be curious ask some good questions learn more about what's driving and motivating that behavior and seeing if you can help them through holding up a mirror see why it's not the right behavior for them now with who they are and what they want to accomplish today foreign